Thursday, May 7, 2015

Change: Scary or Fun?

I've been thinking lately about how much our lives have changed over the course of one year. To some that may be a scary thing, while others thrive on change and the challenges that come with it. I like to think that I fall somewhere in the middle of those two. But I guess that depends on the day.

On April 22nd of last year, after a few months of searching, Michael and I viewed the property that we would make our home. I still remember driving through the gates and immediately knowing that this was the property for us. Michael and I saw many properties, and he started to rely on me and my gut when it came to whether or not the house was for us.

We toured a beautiful log cabin that was east of Monroe and sat high up on the cliff overlooking the valley, truly stunning. The custom home was wonderful, and I could have seen us living there. But it just didn't feel "right." It had 5 acres, but most of that was the steep slope between the house and the valley...and that was unusable land. So we pressed on, and saw more and more that just wasn't right.

When we pulled into our current property, and up to the house, I was in love. After touring the house and walking around on the patio...I knew that this was it. So we had our realtor get on the phone and start the process of putting in an offer. Waiting for a response is one of the worst things when you are looking at buying or selling a home.

Over the next month we hurriedly got our home in Edmonds ready for selling, and that included having the exterior repainted. Life seemed like a blur as we worked to get things ready to sell as well as to close on the new property. So many balls were in the air, and we were trying our damnedest not to drop any of them.

It's funny now to look back on that time and realize that everything worked out like it was suppose to, and we just needed to breathe. But just like with anything you are going through, hindsight is 20/20, and when you are in the thick of it, it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

I'm sitting here at my dining room table, staring out the window. The sun is pouring through the trees into the windows and warming everything it touches. The sun is warming me, but I'm also warmed from the inside thinking of our life over the past year.

After our offer was accepted, and all inspections completed, we still couldn't breathe easy. We rented back to the previous owners so they could get ready for their move to New Mexico. We weren't able to take control of the property until the end of May...which seemed like a lifetime. But once we had keys in hand we immediately got to work.

The previous owners were heavy smokers, and the house smelled like cigarettes, which looking back...if we had it to do over again, I don't think Michael would have bought this place. We've spent a lot of time and money trying to rid the house of the smoke smell, and compared to last year at this time we are sitting pretty. We ripped out the carpet in the master bedroom as well as upstairs. While the carpet was out we had an ozone treatment done, and while I think it helped a little...I don't know that I'd spend the money to do one of those again. My mother in law also helped me scrub everything on the main floor...ceilings, cupboards, floors, trim, doors...well you get the picture.

Since moving in, Michael has taken on the task of painting. He picked a color palette and has done an amazing job. While he's been working on that, I've been building up our farm. If you've been following me here on my blog or on my FaceBook page you know that I designed and built my chicken coop, we've had a split rail fence installed, and we've added goats. I built them a barn that I think fits nicely in with our farm. The newest members of B.P. Farms are the ducklings and the goslings. I truly have a problem folks...this I know. :) But admitting I have a problem is the first step. The next step is to, well buy more! Right?

I've learned so much over the past year, and looking back I'm thankful for everything that has been thrown my way. I think one of the biggest things was losing Edgar in February. The pain from that loss still weighs heavily on me, and Michael has commented on more than one occasion that I've not been the same since we lost him. I think that's true, Edgar taught me to slow down, and helped me realize that there are more important things in life, and those things are worth slowing down for.

Looking back on the changes that have happened really makes me smile. I love getting up in the morning, walking outside to do morning chores. I feel so lucky to have chickens, goats, rabbits, ducks and geese. Yes, they are a lot of work, and some days I'm not friends with the goats (goats truly can be jerks LOL)...but they all add something to my life. They fill voids that for so many years I struggled to fill. My desire to be a father is so strong, and honestly we don't know if we'll ever have children, but we know that if we don't, we have a wonderful life already.

I've rambled on enough this morning, and I think it's time to head back outside to do more chores before heading to the store. But I want to leave you with my final thoughts on change. Yes, change is scary as hell. But it can also be fun and exciting. We all need to mix things up a bit in our lives, be it moving to a new home, city or state...or finding a job that we truly love, but being willing to leave our comfort zone. I've learned a lot about myself over the past strong I can be, yet weak. How happy I can be, yet sad. How discouraged I can get, yet be very blessed.

I'm sure I've shared this with you all before but it's something that has stuck with me since my early 20s. I dated a guy in Boston when I first moved there, the relationship was doomed from the start, but he said something that really resonated within me.

"I strive to be content with my life. I don't want to be 'happy' all the time. I want to be content, and feel the whole spectrum of emotions."
I think about this often, during the good times as well as the bad. We can't have a life that is 100% good. Because without the bad, we aren't truly living. And sometimes in order to get to "content" we have to evoke change, as scary as it may be.

Until next time...shake thins up a bit! 

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