I used to keep a blog of sorts on my Myspace page, and as I look back on them I find that most of those posts are quite relevant to my daily life today. This post is coming at a good time considering I'm preparing for Camp Erin. Enjoy...
- Apr 8, 2008Current mood:quietTonight as I was going through one of my last boxes that needed to be unpacked, I came across a business card. But not just any business card. It was for Julie Poseley. She was a Mental Health Counselor at MSU-Moorhead where I went to college for two years. And suddenly I was filled with all sorts of emotions.
I first met Julie around Easter of 2002, when I was finishing up what was to be my last year at MSU-M. I had gone through some things with my ex, and needed someone to talk to, and I was referred to her. I’d never talked to a counselor before so I was a bit apprehensive.
I’ll never forget that day I walked into her office in Hendrix Health Center. She had a smile on her face as she invited me in. I told her the things that were going on, and for once it seemed there was someone who genuinely cared about what I had to say and how it all made me feel. Well over the course of the next few months I made it a point to go see Julie once a week, as I looked to her for advice in all aspects of my life.
She also was a supporter of my move to Boston, encouraging me along the way. Even going so far as to take time out of her busy schedule once a week after I moved for "Brian’s Weekly Mental Health Session." I’d call her and talk to her about what was going on, and how things were progressing. I’ll never forget how many times she told me she was proud of me. The calls continued through the Spring of 2003, then as the summer came the calls stopped because I got busy with work. I tried making calls again in the fall, but was told she was on a personal leave. I didn’t think anything about it.
I wasn’t able to reach Julie at all for the next "school year." I figured she was traveling like she always talked about. It wasn’t until the fall of 2004 when I went back to Fargo on a trip that I found out why I wasn’t able to reach Julie.
Julie Elizabeth Poseley passed away on February 18, 2004 due to her battle with cancer.
The summer before, Julie went to see the doctor because she was feeling dizzy. She was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer metastasized to the brain. She underwent radiation and chemo, but over Christmas she fell and broke her hip and she never fully regained her strength. She was 52 years old when she passed away.
I remember lying in bed that night crying. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t know. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t get a chance to say thank you to her. I’ll never forget the things she taught me.
Julie gave me a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I live by:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
And the other things she always taught, that to this day I still have written down:
I have permission to be exactly who I am. I have the right to feel what I feel and to believe in the vision I see. It is okay to think what I think, to dream what I dream, to love everything I love.
Julie, you may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. Thank you, you’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Julie Elizabeth Poseley
January 24, 1952 - February 18, 2004