Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A day late...on purpose.

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day, and I purposefully missed it. All across Internet there were people wishing each other well on the day and encouraging others to come out as well. I for one did not wish anyone well, or even recognize the day in any sort of way...and let me tell you why.

I understand the importance of the day for the entire GLBTQ community, but I find it incredibly sad and infuriating that we have to have a day to recognize something that should not even be an issue. I knew from a very young age that I was gay, and I never labeled it any other way than knowing I was who I was. It's frustrating to me that there isn't a "National I'm Straight Day!" Well I guess that's every day, because all throughout the media and advertisements everything is geared towards heterosexuals. I am a human being, and I HATE, yes I HATE, that I am defined by who I choose to love.

A couple of weeks ago I came out to my grandmother who is in her mid 80s. She congratulated me on being married, shook my hand and with a great big smile said, "As long as you are happy!" The fact that I'm gay, let alone MARRIED is not talked about in a large portion of my family. So I'm not sure if my grandmother knew already, or if this was a surprise to her. In any case, she handled it like any person should, and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anymore. I can remember being afraid to tell people I was gay, not knowing if I was going to lose a friend or build a stronger bond with people in my life. My life has been like the military for many years with certain people in my family...where we practiced "Don't Ask, Don't tell." Well now I've got news for you, DADT was done away with in the military, and it's gone from my life.

I have a friend who is a breast cancer survivor and she posted on her facebook a few days ago,

If one more person asks me if I know its Breast Cancer Awareness Month....yes, I got the memo. Some of us just call it October. Every month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Amen, sister! And to me, National Coming Out Day is so similar to this. I am a gay man, every day of my life I live this and am forced to come out to people on a regular basis. Why?! Why is it a big deal? Why is it that people feel the need to ask, "Oh! Are you gay?!" Do I go around asking, "Oh! Are you a breeder?!?" I'm almost offended most times. But I digress.

In a world where we have young children taking their own lives because they are being bullied about who they are, where other's are being dragged to their deaths by ignorant hill billies who don't know what being a human being is, and where people are afraid to just be themselves; I urge everyone to stop, take a minute to think about everyone around them and practice acceptance. I don't want tolerance dammit! I want acceptance. I'm not a freak or an outcast because I'm married to a man or because of who I am. It was not a choice, I didn't wake up one day and say to myself, "Hmmmm, I think that from today forward I'm going to be gay and live in a world where most of the people are ignorant bastards and will more than likely bully and belittle me because I made a wrong *choice.*"

Over the past few years I've met some AMAZING people who have turned my world around. Most recently I met this lovely lady named Tracy (I have a link to her blog on my page). There are just some people in this world that you are just drawn to, and I was drawn to her like a fly to a pile of poop(did that make you smile Tracy?). She has the most amazing smile and laugh and walks into a room and brightens it up. I felt very fortunate to be able to spend a few days with her at a friend's wedding and walked away realizing how amazing she is. She is a breast cancer survivor, and an inspiration. Yes she has cancer, but she doesn't let it define her. Sure, she is passionate about Breast Cancer Research, but she is Tracy. Unlike cancer, being gay is not some disease that people get; it's who I am. However, just like cancer does not define Tracy, being gay doesn't define me either.

My name is Brian; I am in love; I'm married; I have a great life. Oh, and I just happen to be gay.


  1. Amen Mister Sister! By the way, Grams is one classy broad.

  2. love this post! and totally agree with you.